invisibility

Remember when you were little, and you and your friends would ask each other what super power you would most like to have? I always chose the ability to fly. Inwardly I would scoff when anyone chose invisibility. WHY would you want to be invisible? Besides all the complications involving nudity, it just seems plain silly. Reflecting on recent events, it makes sense that I would think that... I already feel invisible most of the time. A feat, you're thinking, for someone of my volume. Imagine my surprise.

Mmmm...

The other day I watched Proof with my roommates. We giggled. We cried. We drooled every time Jake Gyllenhaal came on screen. Overall, it was far too short of an experience. The funniest part I can remember- prolly only because Kara laughed so hard- is when Gwenyth Paltrow asks her character's ultra-organized, plan-every-breath-you-take sister "Do you ever check off something you haven't done yet?" While the idea leaves a delightful taste on your lips (Go on. Try it. Say "I'm going to check something off my list that I haven't done yet." Felt deliciously rebellious and self-destructive, didn't it?), it soon after summons an overwhelming feeling of panic. Wait... what would I choose? Does it count if I write something stupid in, just so I can cross it off without doing it? After all, for something to go on a To-Do list, you must first have a To-Do list. If there's something so important and pressing that I go through the effort of creating a list of things to do just so I can put that thing on a list... it's clearly important. Too important to just cross off without doing it first.
That being said, I want you all to know that I got to cross something off my list today that I didn't really do. I didn't get to cross it off because my teacher canceled the assignment or excused me from it or anything like that. In fact, this particular item constitutes 10% of my grade no matter what.How, then, did I manage to cross it off? Did I cheat? Decide to ignore the assignment, fail the class and subsequently fail to graduate? No. I simply snuck up on myself... subconsciously designing the necessary circumstances for an effective unjustified-crossing-off.
"English presentation" has graced my academic "To-Do" list since the first day of class. I've thought about it, and considered doing it, on and off for the past month and a half. I spent all day yesterday working on a painting that was due today. Several times I found myself thinking "My presentation is Thursday, right? Man. Wouldn't it suck if I checked and it was actually tomorrow? I'm so tired and have been painting all day and still have to wake up early tomorrow to finish this gazzish painting... I'm hungry."
English class starts at 12:05. At 11:32 I decided to look up the reading I was supposed to have done for class. There, underlined and starred and accented with arrows and sunshine rays was the name "William Wordsworth." I had not only failed to put together my presentation that was apparently today; I had failed to even do the reading it was on! It's not easy to lead a discussion on reading that you don't even know the title of, and that everyone else in the room has read.
I can't remember the last time I was so embarrassed. I hate being the unprepared loser. Anyway. I had a 90% going into the presentation, so worst case scenario says I'm at an 80% now. I can live with that, and it saved me, like, three hours in my week.

I quit my job.

Isn't this a lovely picture? It's of me and my friend, Kelly. I'm the fatter one, obviously. Kelly was essentially the only person I knew when I started work at BYU Independent Study last January. I was hired as a graphic artist, which means that I drew pretty pictures to accompany the online course IS offers. The images I made looked a lot like the one above, actually.... and that is why I will do great things in life.
I remember sitting next to Kelly on my first day, asking her questions since she was my "trainer" person. By the end of the week I was answering her questions, as well as the questions of my fellow newbies. But Kelly's great. She was really nice to me, even though I apparently had a reputation in our program--and not a very good one. I was considered grouchy, unapproachable and generally angry at life. That was actually a pretty accurate assessment at the time... art is hard. I would (and still do, I guess) get frustrated and prefer concentrating over socializing. By putting a nice, big "BUG OFF" sign on my face, I managed to get more done than many of my counterparts.
But now I was thrown into a working environment with these people. And here was Kelly, being nice to me even though she knew as well as the next person that I was scary and grumpy. I decided that she could see my less beastly side. Word quickly spread that I'm amazing and I made more friends at work. They started coming to movie nights at my apartment and saying hi to me on campus and giving me hugs at Smith's. I had to get away... so I quit my job. Just kidding, but not really. But really, just kidding. That's not why I quit.
Don't get me wrong. I loved my job. My boss was awesome, the pay was the best I've ever had, the co-workers were chill, the hours were flexible, and they gave us really good free food all the time. It's the best job I've ever had.